Bonus entry – weird search terms

WordPress has a feature where you can view a list of all of the search terms people have used to find your entries.  I’ve known this for a while but have found some interesting ones I thought I’d highlight – keep in mind these are searches that not only found my site, but clicked through to it.  Remember this entry the next time you Google something weird.

The big ones

“what happened to rihanna 2011” and “what happened to rihanna” likely landed them on this entry I wrote about a totally trivial no-show appearance at Sydney’s Mardi Gras.  Highly unlikely it’s what they were looking for.  (I found “what happened to rihanna she was so cute” to be the most likely misdirect!)

“george cartwright bush” – this entry comes second in a Google search for his name… this is the unfortunately-named but highly-talented child actor who performed as Gustav in Love Never Dies when I saw it in Melbourne.  Based on the comments I’ve gotten, and seen elsewhere on the Internet, I suspect most of these searches are from his family.

Notable mention goes to “cpc it gets better” – I’m thrilled this is the third hit on a Google search for those words.

The sad

“how to get from the young line to the bloor line” – even if you weren’t from Toronto, it would be really sad if you had to search the internet to find this out!

“why do the jews hate the greens au,” “the greens hate gays,” “israel gays not real people” and countless similar variations.  These likely hit this entry which got a lot of hits at the time I posted it.  Based on all the search terms, it seems these posters (and the rhetoric around this debate altogether) confused a lot of people, and people on all sides of the debate developed some misconceptions.  It’s a shame.

“why do gays have to hate israel as a group” – this one deserved special recognition… I would very much like to know who thinks that gays, as a group, hate Israel.  This is a completely illogical thing to believe and, honestly, rather offensive to me.

“vote green, but i’d rather get conservatives out” and “i want to vote green but…” sadly, these people are not alone.

“how do couples keep it together with one income” – some of these break my heart.

“tax audit didn’t charge correct hst” – if your tax auditor is charging you HST to begin with, they’re probably not a real tax auditor.  If you didn’t charge the correct HST, I’m so sorry.

“why do some people not want to vote liberal?” I wasn’t sure whether to categorise this as “sad” or “funny.” I’ve put it under sad on the basis that I think this person may actually be sad for the liberal party that someone might, shockingly, not actually want to vote for them.

“queer hate rant” – the only consolation I take from the fact that someone was searching this is that they likely didn’t find one on my blog.

“canadian election+what to do if mail in ballot does not arrive in time” – I hope this didn’t happen!

“canada election put in wrong envelope” – and I hope this wasn’t the same person!

“in canada what to do if husband wont file taxes” – I do have to wonder what kind of answer this person was hoping for…

“leaving australia will i miss it” – I would like to meet this person 😦

The weird

“the number one thing deciding my vote is values”  … and telling a search engine this will help you decide, because…?

“your question has been received. you should expect a response from us within 48 business hours. thank you for allowing us to be of service to you. to update this question by email, please reply to this message and your response will be processed automatically. ” … um. ok? (Most puzzling to me, is how this could possibly have led to my blog, of all places!)

“israel population true” – you know, as opposed to the false population of Israel.

“sgstwhstwusskise” WHO WAS SEARCHING FOR THIS?!?!?!?

“skise real people real problem” … what was this person trying to find?

“nealjennnings plans vancouver” umm…. creepy.

The funny

“what i should not say in a retail sales tax audit” – I really, really, hope these 2 people weren’t relying on Google to give them this answer.

“ttc subway skytrain -bangkok” – this poor person was looking for both the Toronto and Vancouver public transit systems but obviously kept getting the Bangkok system instead… remove the hits with “Bangkok” and you get… my blog?

“i’ve written to buckingham palace g20 toronto” – this was part of an actual response to my emails to mayoral candidates in the Toronto election last year.  The fact that anyone actually searched it is hilarious to me.

“is there any option like ” i can vote ” in election in india?” – I… have no words.

“when are they gonna come gst/hst” – I really hope this person hit the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button in Google.

“i have my hst number but i forgot my hst number” – wait, what??

“multiply 10,382 by 15%” – I wonder how long they continued to search the internet, and how many other people’s sites this person looked at, before they learned their computer has a calculator.

“you make $35,000.00. you would purchase a home at 250% to 300% of your income. what is the least and most you could spend on a home?” – ditto. (87,500 – 105,000… good luck finding a home for that price)

“hst take one for the team” – yeah…

“amazing electoral system” – what a wonderful adjective!

“reduce taxes by having a spouse”… I wonder if someone thinks this is a legitimate tax-planning strategy!

Likely unanswered questions

“the australian system of government is based on the governmental system of which country” – A little of the US, a little of the UK (with some lessons learned from Canada)… you likely wouldn’t have gotten an answer since it’s not just one country.

“ontario, for all corporations what goes in front of there number for hst etc” – this isn’t a thing, so I hope whoever searched this eventually figured that out!

“if you spend 100 how much more money would it be with hst?” – really?

“who proposed income splitting first greens or conservatives” – Greens. Next!

“can you pension split if you file as single” – umm…. no. that would mean you’re either lying about being single, or splitting with someone who’s not your spouse.

“how much roughly you pay monthly if you sign up for singtel broadband” – you would definitely not find the answer to this on my blog!

“in canada if my candidate does not get voted in, do their party stil get funds?” – no, the entire party must be disbanded every time one of their candidates loses. We’re just mean that way.

“what are the ndp tax numbers?” – I’m still looking for the answer…

“what happens to mp that don’t get elected” – they get arrested for impersonating an MP, since you don’t get to be an MP if you don’t get elected!

“what canadian geographic area have only one seat in government” – all of them.

“how to win preferential vote” – get more votes than anyone else.

“i want to find beauty school in hamilton that can help me expend my visa” again… I’m pretty sure the answer for this is not on my blog

“is leaving on a jet plane true?” – can songs be true or false? How does one verify a song?

And finally, something that presumably only my blog would have the answer to

“can gay couples who have a small business have a tax advantage” … not that I’ve ever blogged about it, because at least in Canada, gay couples are the same as straight ones.

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